This was my original plan for the weekend...

unfortunately, it was fully booked...

I don't know what they were thinking...

but Queen Video gave me my very own membership!!!



Thank God for that Privacy Act thing because without it Blockbuster would have warned all the local video stores of my problem with returning movies on time...I swear, half of my net income for 2004 went to pay my late fines at Sun Video ...I think I put the owner's kids through medical school with all the fees I paid those bastards...

Anyway...I plan to coccoon myself on the rainiest day this weekend and watch;







And the best news is that they are not due back for a whole week!!!

Yeah, I know, I'm a movie geek...who else (besides Woody Allen) would be looking forward to spending the long weekend watching a 4 1/2 hour documentary about the French Vichy Government collaborating with the Nazi's between 1940-1944...that's just the kind of wild and crazy gal that I am...

This is why you should never work with animals or kids...

Thomas's website gets more traffic than mine...



...but he is a really cute little fucker...

And that damn blood-thirsty beast of a cat of mine gets more traffic than both Thomas and I combined!

Even my dog has a blog...

www.dogster.com/?312870

...so does my Cat

Darlene's Wine Cellar

Well, it's not actually my wine cellar, but I am collecting a number of fancy wine bottles (like knotches on my belt) ;


Trimbach, Pinot Blanc, 2004




Provenance: Alsace, France (Appellation Alsace Controlée) The Trimbach winery is located in the town of Ribeauville. Trimbach owns 70 acres in Ribeauville, Hunawihr, and Bergheim.

Grape Variety: 100% Pinot Blanc

Vinification and aging: The wine is vinified to complete dryness - no residual sugar. Fermented in stainless steel vats with no oak aging. Bottling is early to preserve freshness.

Style: Soft and fruity, ready to drink within months of the vintage with a pleasing freshness that enhances most foods. A truly excellent aphrodisaic - you may not make it through the first glass, I know I couldn't...




Piper-Heidsieck, Cuvée Brut, 2000



Provenance: Reims, France. Since its foundation in 1785 by Florens-Louis Heidsieck, the champagne House of Piper-Heidsieck has been inspired by our cellarmaster's pursuit of authenticity and quality At Piper-Heidsieck, we harvest and vinify separately the wines from some 50 carefully selected vineyards, known as crus. This enables the development of deliciously full aromas.

Grape Variety: Pinot Noir and Pinot Meunier grapes give Cuvée Brut its structure and elegance.

Vinification and aging: Reserve wines from earlier years are used to create a more rounded blend and ensure the originality of the Piper-Heidsieck style. The wine's harmony develops over the course of slow ageing in Piper-Heidsieck's chalk cellars.

Style: It is ideal for drinks with friends, cocktail and garden parties, nights spent enjoying every moment until dawn‘s early light...eventhough this is taken directly from the Piper-Heidsieck web-site, I can personally attest to the fact that this is indeed a fact...this champagne is the perfect addition to a Mimosa, drunk as the sun rises combined with fresh figs...and that's all I'm going to say about that...

A wine that celebrates “joie de vivre” and the pleasure of getting together with the people we love, or people with whom we just like to fool around...

The Devil and Daniel Mouse

A childhood favourite...

An Unserviceable Prophet

I was feeling a bit blue today, so I did what I often do when I'm in such a mood - I went to the movies.

Having seen "M:I III" last night I strongly felt the need to see something with a little more depth and something that wasn't a tribute to a long forgotten TV show - and I'm talking about Felicity, not the original Mission Impossible.

I ended up at the Carleton seeing "The Devil and Daniel Johnston." I've been looking forward to seeing this film ever since I started seeing trailers for it months ago. I always enjoy a good biographical documentary, and this one fits the bill - it's right up there with "Capturing the Friedmans" and "Crumb"...in fact, it's almost a hybrid of the two.

The film follows both the descent into madness and the ascent to cult stardom of Daniel Johnston. And the two feed into each other, as is often the case with great artists of our time, including Sylvia Plath, Van Gogh and Kurt Cobain as the film points out.



In fact, someone gave Cobain a T-shirt with the hand-drawn cover of Johnston's first demo tape, which he seemed to wear to every photo oppportunity in 1992, thereby sparking interest in Johnston's work. At the time however, Johnston was in a mental institution and was unlikely to be aware of who Kurt Cobain's existence, let alone his influence on the music scene.

Johnston's story starts with his childhood, growing up as the youngest child in a tightly knit working class family of devote Church of Christ followers in West Virginnia. Daniel appeared to reject and mock his family's faith and morals his early super 8 films - especially his mother. There is one scene where he has recorded her on audio cassette explaining that she and the rest of the family work very hard to earn a living and provide the church with a tithe and that because Daniel sleeps until noon and doesn't mow the lawan or help with chores that he is an "unprofitable servant" of Christ. Daniel replies that perhaps he is just an "unserviceable prophet."

The irony is that when at his lowest points, like when he runs away with a travelling carnival and is brutually beaten in a street fight, Daniel turns to the church for physical and emotional asylum. And more than that, he always returns to his family, who despite the sometimes overwhelming challenges of his nature, welcome him with open arms and unconditional love, time and time again. He still lives in the basement of his parents home and relies on them to take care of virtually his every need.




The movie goes on to detail the ups and downs of Daniel's endeavours in drawing and music and how they are influenced by his manic depression and his delusions. I know I'm a pretty pedestrian viewer, I just didn''t get the appeal of his music, and while I do appreciate his drawing, I was really captivated by the story of his illness and how it affected his life, his family and the people in his life that recognized his unique gifts.

I am no stranger to the affect that the mentally ill can have on the lives of the people who care about them. Daniel's story hit very close to home for me - in fact I feel like I could have written his story based on a complilation of the lives of two people who are very important to me - one being a member of my family, who was diagnosed as manic depressive in the mid 1980's and the other being a friend who developed schizophrenia while we were living together in the mid 1990's . Like Daniel, both started showing symptoms of their illnesse's after experiencing the stress of their first year at college/university. And like Daniel, neither were able to get help until they had hit "rock bottom."

And as the other characters in the film soon discovered, you cannot rely upon a mentally unstable person to fulfill your expectations of them - because they are your expectations, and are, for the most part, completely irrelevant to them. They live within their own narcissitically self-defensive sphere of reality - where it's safe and comfortable. The slightest bit of stress put upon them from outside forces can result in the crumbling of their fragile houses of cards.



We see it time and time again with Daniel. He rejects his family when they impose their morals and work ethic upon him, only to return to them when he is at his worst. He is supported by a "Broadway Danny Rose" type publicist turned manager who wants to believe in Daniel's talent so much that he devotes his life to Daniel's music and art career, only to be informed that he has been replaced by his actual replacement - and not by Daniel himself. Even the cult band Sonic Youth were not immune to Daniel's escapades as his elludes their guardianship in New York City after opening for them at CBGB's. It becomes more and more clear to his supporters that he is indeed not a "serviceable profit."

Perhaps the most profound example is when Daniel stops taking his medication in preparation for a show at the SXSW music festival in Austin to which is accompanied by his now amateur manager/pilot father, Bill. On the return flight home Daniel believes that he can fly like Captain America and when his father refutes this, Daniel reached over, removes the keys from the ignition and takes control of the two- seater plane. Somehow Bill, an experienced pilot, was able to "safely" crash the plane into a forest without serious injury. Daniel spent the next 5 months in a mental facility.



Daniel continues live with his parents in Waller, Texas. His siblings live close by. He continues to make art and music, mainly for himself. He enjoys Mountain Dew and shopping at Wal Mart.

Who's Power, Talent or Moral Example is Transforming Our World?

Congratulations Steve Colbert on being listed as one of Time Magazine's Top 100 People Who Shape Our World. Unfortunately you've been lumped in with the likes of Rachel Ray, Michelle Wei, George W Bush and the Dixie Chicks...nice going Time...

Survivor Challenge

There is nothing better than when two worlds collide...




















Last night's episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm had me rolling on the floor with tear's of laughter streaming down my face.

The episode's centerpiece is a dinner party celebrating the renewal of Larry and Cheryl's wedding vows. Colby Donaldson, one of the stars of the reality series Survivor and a friend of Larry's rabbi, captures the attention of family and friends with his stories of deadly snakebites in the Australian outback. Suddenly, a withered man with a glass eye interrupts. "Let me tell you, I was in a concentration camp. You never even suffered one minute in your life compared to what I went through," says Solly, a friend of Larry's father. The conversation quickly devolves into a competition:

COLBY: We had very little rations, no snacks.
SOLLY: Snacks, what are you talking snacks? We didn't eat, sometimes for a week, for a month....
COLBY: Have you even seen the show?
SOLLY: Did you ever see our show? It was called the Holocaust!

With civility out the window, each of them shouts, "I'm a survivor!" "I'm a survivor!"

Colbertgate Con't...

ABC News cameras stayed fixed on Bush throughout the Colbert speech at the White House Correspondents' Dinner on Saturday 4/29...and he ain't happy.



As Colbert walked from the podium, when it was over, the president and First Lady gave him quick nods, unsmiling. The president shook his hand and tapped his elbow, and left immediately.

Those seated near Bush told E&P's Joe Strupp, who was elsewhere in the room, that Bush had quickly turned from an amused guest to an obviously offended target as Colbert’s comments brought up his low approval ratings and problems in Iraq.

Several veterans of past dinners, who requested anonymity, said the presentation was more directed at attacking the president than in the past. Several said previous hosts, like Jay Leno, equally slammed both the White House and the press corps.

“This was anti-Bush,” said one attendee. “Usually they go back and forth between us and him.” Another noted that Bush quickly turned unhappy. “You could see he stopped smiling about halfway through Colbert,” he reported.

After the gathering, Snow, while nursing a Heineken outside the Chicago Tribune reception, declined to comment on Colbert. “I’m not doing entertainment reviews,” he said. “I thought the president was great, though.”

Strupp, in the crowd during the Colbert routine, had observed that quite a few sitting near him looked a little uncomfortable at times, perhaps feeling the material was a little too biting -- or too much speaking "truthiness" (a word Colbert popularized) to power.

Asked by E&P after it was over if he thought he'd been too harsh, Colbert said, "Not at all." Was he trying to make a point politically or just get laughs? "Just for laughs," he said. He said he did not pull any material for being too strong, just for time reasons. (He later said the president told him "good job" when he walked off.)

Helen Thomas told Strupp her segment with Colbert was "just for fun."

In its report on the affair, USA Today asserted that some in the crowd cracked up over Colbert but others were "bewildered." Wolf Blitzer of CNN said he thought Colbert was funny and "a little on the edge."

Earlier, the president had addressed the crowd with a Bush impersonator alongside, with the faux-Bush speaking precisely and the real Bush deliberately mispronouncing words, such as the inevitable "nuclear." At the close, Bush called the imposter "a fine talent. In fact, he did all my debates with Senator Kerry." The routine went over well with this particular crowd -- better than did Colbert's, in fact, for whatever reason.

Colbertgate...

Just in case you missed the video, as it has mysteriously disappeared from YouTube;


STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof S.U.V.'s out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'s and they need to get out.

Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.

By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it's my privilege to celebrate this president. We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book.

Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.

In fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback.

I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.

OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message: that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!

And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will. As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!

Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!

Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.

See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.

Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.

Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you? [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia's recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia's critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.

John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.

Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god. [looks horrified] Oh, what have I said? I -- Je- minetti (sp?). I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson's wife. Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.

And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero. Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.

Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir.

I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.

In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.

BEGINNING OF "AUDITION TAPE"

Colbert shows a video of a mock press conference. It opens with an empty podium. Colbert's head rises from behind the podium until Colbert is standing at the podium. He addresses the assembled Washington press corps.

COLBERT: I have a brief statement: the press is destroying America. OK, let's see who we've got here today.

COLBERT (acknowledging various reporters): Stretch! (David Gregory nods)

Sir Nerdlington! (reporter nods)

Sloppy Joe! (reporter nods)

Terry Lemon Moran Pie! (Terry Moran nods)

Oh, Doubting Thomas, always a pleasure. (Helen Thomas smiles)

And Suzanne Mal -- hello!!

(Suzanne Malveaux stares at Colbert, looking unhappy. Colbert mimics putting a phone to his ear and mouths "call me.")

REPORTER: Will the Vice President be available soon to answer all questions himself?

COLBERT: I've already addressed that question. You (pointing to another reporter).

REPORTER: Walter Cronkite, the noted CBS anchor, . . .

COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, no, he's the former CBS anchor. Katie Couric is the new anchor of the CBS Evening News. Well, well, how do you guys feel about that?

You, tousle-haired guy in the back. Are you happy about Katie Couric taking over the CBS Evening News?

DAN RATHER: No, sir, Mr. Colbert. Are you? (Laughter)

COLBERT: Boom! Oh, look, we woke David Gregory up. Question?

DAVID GREGORY: Did Karl Rove commit a crime?

COLBERT: I don't know. I'll ask him.

(Colbert turns to Rove) Karl, pay attention please! (Rove is seen drawing a heart with "Karl + Stephen" written on it.)

GREGORY: Do you stand by your statement from the fall of 2003 when you were asked specifically about Karl, and Elliott Abrams, and Scooter Libby, and you said "I've gone to each of those gentlemen, and they have told me that they are not involved in this." Do you stand by that statement?

COLBERT: Nah, I was just kidding!

GREGORY: No, you're not finishing. You're not saying anything! You stood at that podium and said . . .

COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, that's where you're wrong. New podium! Just had it delivered today. Get your facts straight, David.

GREGORY: This is ridiculous. The notion that you're going to stand before us after having commented with that level of detail and tell the people watching this that somehow you've decided not to talk. You've got to . . .

(Colbert is seen looking at three buttons on the podium, labeled "EJECT," "GANNON" and "VOLUME." He selects the "VOLUME" button and turns it. We see Gregory's lips continue moving, but can't hear any sound coming out.)

COLBERT: If I can't hear you, I can't answer your question. I'm sorry! I have to move on. Terry.

TERRY MORAN: After the investigation began, after the criminal investigation was underway, you said . . .

(Colbert presses a button on the podium and fast-forwards through most of Moran's question.)

MORAN (continuing): All of a sudden, you have respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation?

COLBERT (seen playing with rubber ball, which he is bouncing off attached paddle): No, I never had any respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation. Activist judges! Yes, Helen.

HELEN THOMAS: You're going to be sorry. (Laughter)

COLBERT (looking vastly amused, mockingly): What are you going to do, Helen, ask me for a recipe?

THOMAS: Your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands (Colbert's smile fades) of Americans and Iraqis, wounds of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime.

COLBERT (interrupting): OK, hold on Helen, look . . .

THOMAS (continuing): Every reason given, publicly at least, has turned out not to be true. My question is, why did you really want to go to war?

COLBERT (again interrupting): Helen, I'm going to stop you right there. (Thomas keeps talking.) That's enough! No! Sorry, Helen, I'm moving on. (Colbert tries to turn her volume off, but the knob falls off his controls.)

(Various reporters start shouting questions at Colbert.)

COLBERT (agitated): Guys, guys, please don't let Helen do this to what was a lovely day.

(Reporters keep shouting at him.)

COLBERT (putting his fingers over his ears and shouting in a high-pitched voice): Bllrrtt! No, no, no, no, no. I'm not listening to you!

Look what you did, Helen! I hate you!

(Helen Thomas glowers at Colbert.)

COLBERT (frantic): I'm out of here!

(Colbert pulls back the curtain behind him, desperately trying to flee. He says, "There is a wall here!" The press corps laughs. Colbert has difficulty finding a door from which to exit the room, echoing Bush's experience in China. He finally finds the door and hurries through it.)

COLBERT: It reeks in there! Ridiculous! I've never been so insulted in my life! Stupid job.

(Colbert continues walking away. We hear sinister-sounding music playing. We see Helen Thomas walking behind Colbert.)

(Colbert looks behind him, sees Thomas, and starts running.)

(Colbert trips over a roller skate. He yells "Condi!" We see a close-up of Helen Thomas' face, looking determined and angry. Colbert, increasingly panicked, gets up and continues running, running into a parking garage. He reaches an emergency call box, and yells into it.)

COLBERT: Oh, thank God. Help me!

ATTENDANT: What seems to be the problem, sir?

COLBERT: She won't stop asking why we invaded Iraq!

ATTENDANT: Hey, why did we invade Iraq?

COLBERT: NO!!! (runs toward his car)

(We see Helen Thomas, still walking toward him.)

(Colbert reaches his car, and fumblingly attempts to open it with his key. He is in such a desperate hurry that he fumbles with the keys and drops them. When he picks them up, he looks back and Helen is even closer. In his frantic rush, Colbert just can't get the key into the lock.)

(Just as his anxiety is getting completely out of control he suddenly remembers that he has a keyless remote -- so he just pushes the button on the keychain and the car unlocks immediately with the usual double squeak noise. Colbert jumps in and locks the door, and continues to fumble trying to start the car. He finally succeeds, and looks up to see Helen standing in front of the car, notepad in hand.)

COLBERT: NO!!! NO!!!

(Colbert puts the car into reverse and drives off, tires squealing. Thomas smiles.)

(Colbert is shown taking the shuttle from Washington, D.C. to New York. A car and driver are waiting for him at Penn Station. The uniformed man standing alongside the car opens the door and lets Colbert in.)

COLBERT: What a terrible trip, Danny. Take me home.

(The driver locks the doors, turns around, and says, "Buckle up, hon." IT'S HELEN THOMAS!!!)

COLBERT (horrified face pressed against car window): NO!!!

END OF "AUDITION TAPE"

STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it's been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!

Speaking of Boobs...

This entry is inspired by the PPT's own John "CB" Bowers...as it would seem our boy John has discovered the internet, more specifically YouTube (see below)



At first I was a little concerned when John told me about discovering these pseudo "Backstreet Boys" on the internet...and, well, frankly, after seeing them for myself I am now very concerned...the following is the explanation that John gives for his fascination for the "Back Dorm Boys" phenomena;

From slate magazine http://www.slate.com/id/2140697/:
The most recognizable syncers on YouTube might be a pair of Chinese boys
called (with admirable directness) "Two Chinese Boys." They've posted a
handful of popular videos, each of which follows the same rubric: The boys
sit side by side in a dorm room, channeling bubble-gum pop while someone
works obliviously behind them at a computer. Their coordination is
impeccable, especially during harmonic call-and-response, and they are
unparalleled at creating the illusion of really feeling a song's high
moments. They're a classic comic duo: The guy on the right is streetwise,
fluent in hip-hop hand gestures and facial expressions; his partner is
wistful and sensitive (he occasionally pretends to cry). Watch, for
instance, my favorite video. During the song's climactic midsong rap, the
guy on the right stares the camera down while his partner tosses in delicate
vocal fills and gazes offscreen at (judging from his expression) an injured
puppy limping off to die in front of a sunset. The Two Chinese Boys'
emergence as the best lip-syncers in the world may be the surest sign yet
that we are passing the superpower torch.

As a talent show, YouTube is the polar opposite of American Idol. Instead of
bestowing lucrative record deals based on a mastery of traditional
show-business talents, the site measures a more mysterious and interesting
skill set—the unpredictability, irony, and misdirection at the heart of
lip-syncing—and rewards it with a kind of intangible hip credit. There's
something profound in this. The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way," for
instance, is just another raft of Top 40 love clichιs—but the Two Chinese
Boys' version of the song (in which the boys, dressed in Yao Ming jerseys,
dart tightly and suddenly back and forth) adds several layers of meaning: It
repeats the clichιs, but it also shows their inherent ridiculousness; it's a
complex pantomime of our guilty love of seeing love marketed via boy bands.
At its core, lip-syncing is a satire of our own unseemly dependence on pop
music—but a satire that's always affectionate. The best syncing is
simultaneous homage and mockery. After all, you have to commune with a song
for weeks, even years, before you can properly sync it.


Oh John, I guess there are worse things you could be looking at on the internet...might I suggest checking out some Stephen Colbert at YouTube, he's a personal favourite of mine...mainly because he's not a crazy pair of guys, lip syncing to the Backstreet Boys!!!

"Scott Says..."

Inaugural Entry

This is a whole new feature on The Truth About Truthiness kids...and hopefully an ongoing feature...it's called "Scott Says..."

This week, Scott Says..."Dar, you have more creativity in your left nipple than most people have in their whole body."... or something like that - he definitely said the part about the nipple, that I wouldn't forget...



...so, that may all be well and good, but, what's a girl to do with such a powerfully placed port-side areola? How do you note that attribute on a resume? And it's makes me ponder the potential of the right nipple...I promise to use it's power only for the betterment of mankind...